What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic Violence (DV) can be defined as any pattern of behavior employed by a current or former spouse, intimate partner, or date including physical violence, threats, emotional abuse, sexual violence, harassment, stalking, or financial control in order to coerce, control, or isolate another within a current or former opposite sex or same sex relationship.

Does DV happen very much?
Yes. According to the American Bar Association Commission on Domestic Violence, between two and four million women annually are victimized by DV. Further, over half of the women visiting medical emergency rooms report at least one incident of intimate violence during their lifetime. Clearly, DV is being reported in epidemic proportions.

Okay, but I am not (s/he is not) like that...

MYTH: All women and men who batter are big, mean, and ugly.

TRUTH: Women and men of all races, classes, cultures, and appearances have used or experienced abusive and controlling behaviors within their relationships.

MYTH: I must be the only person with this problem.

TRUTH: Battering is a widespread problem of epidemic proportions.

MYTH: If I wasn't physically violent, then it's not really abusive.

TRUTH: DV includes verbal, psychological, financial, and physical abuse.

I am not sure I am being abused --how do you know?

You are abused if...

• you are called names, cursed at, or blamed whenever things go wrong.
• your free time is limited to your partner's interests only.
• your access to money is limited or prohibited.
• you feel the need to cover for or make excuses for your partner's behavior.
• you have been shoved, hit, shaken, or slapped.
• your partner makes light of her/his abusive behavior toward you.
• you are continually put down or humiliated.
• your partner intimidates you through looks, actions, destruction of property, or the display of weapons.
• your partner controls what you do, who you see, and who you can talk to.
• your partner threatens or abuses your loved ones or pets.
• there is always a scene if you express an opposite opinion.
• you live in fear of your partner.
• you are sometimes "punished for misbehaving."
• you have been forced to have sex.
• you have been deprived of keys, money, etc. as punishment.
• your partner has withheld approval, appreciation, or affection as punishment.
• your partner has ridiculed or insulted your most valued beliefs, your religion, your race, or class.
• your partner has been very jealous --harassed you about imagined affairs.
• your partner has insisted that you dress the way s/he wants.
• your partner has driven away your friends.
• your partner has subjected you to dangerous, reckless driving.
• your partner has thrown things at you.
• your partner has raped you.
• your partner has threatened to kill her/himself or you.

Where do I seek help?
National Domestic Violence Hotline (800/799-7233)
Counseling and Career Services (256/782-5475)

Is there anything else to remember about DV?
Yes. Always remember the following.

I am not to blame for being beaten or abused.

I am not the cause of another's violent behavior.

I do not like it or want it.

I do not have to take it.

I am an important human being.

I am a worthwhile person.

I deserve to be treated with respect.

I do have power over my own life.

I can use my power to take good care of myself.

I can decide for myself what is best for me.

I can make changes in my life if I want to.

I am not alone. I can ask others to help me.

I am worth working for and changing for.

I deserve to make my own life safe and happy.

I have the right to make mistakes.

I have the right to change my mind.

Courtesy of California State University, Hayward